On August 26, KCC starts its Fall semester and I will be there! I haven't been in school for about two years so I'm excited. I have it planned out that I can graduate with my AA in Liberal Arts in December and then transfer to either UH-Manoa or somewhere in Washington or Colorado (LEGAL WEED! WHHOOOOOO!!!)
I believe I have my work orientation/training on Monday. One week before school starts! I hope there isn't a big pile of work to do because it's been over a month since I was interviewed and offered the job! At my interview my employer said they were preparing for their audit in September...that's RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER! AH! I'm excited to get back into accounting and see if my passion is still in accounting or if I should pursue another career path.
My anxiety hasn't been acting up lately. What a relief! I'm hoping it won't start acting up once I start working and going to school, but MIND OVER MATTER! I believe in myself and I have an idea of where I wanna be in the next few years and what I need to do to achieve that. Mostly it means, graduating from college, moving to the mainland and taking my CPA exam.
Crocheting has been keeping me busy. I'm about 75% done with Cherysse's order. I have 6 cupcakes and the baby outfit done. I just need to make her beanie and a few more cupcakes. I hope she likes it! She's my first paying customer. :)
I'm off to finish some cupcakes. Bye!
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Ups and Downs..
Lately I feel like my life has been so complicated. A month ago I was offered a job working at a hospital. They needed me to get a special TB shot. No problem right?
Wrong. It is a two shot vaccination and my second shot went haywire. The student nurses that were administering the vaccination, grabbed the wrong shot. Instead of getting the TB shot, I was given a phlemonia vaccine. One of the side effects is that your arm swells, and you get tight joints and muscles. After going back to the doctor, thinking my test was positive, they told me about the mix up. I had to wait a week to get my second TB shot and in that week, my arm had swelled twice it's size, went from my wrist to elbow and I could barely move my arm at all. It was painful!
I finally got my second shot and I have still waiting to hear from my employer when they want me to start. It's weird because in the interview, my employer made it seem that they needed someone ASAP. Oh well, it pays well and it's across the street from school so I'm not letting this go. I'm just so anxious about starting!
THEN, I had another mix-up at school. In order to release my financial aid, they needed an official copy of a letter from my old university saying that my loan was in default. I am very grateful for the efficiency of Loyola's staff because they sent me the letter a few days later and got the entire thing worked out.
On a brighter note, I got my first client for my crochet business. A friend of mine is having a baby shower in September and she's asked me to help decorate her diaper cake. I'm making her amigurumi cupcakes and a newborn outfit and matching beanie for mommy. I'm having a lot of fun doing this, and although it's not a lot of money, it's my first client! I hope things continue to look up for my business and I slowly get more and more clients.
I started doing yoga at home a few months ago. And I'm hooked! I love doing it right in the morning when I wake up. My roommates are all sleeping and the only place in my crowded apartment that has space for my mat is the kitchen. I usually get my yoga done and a shower in before anyone wakes up and I'm alert and positive for the rest of the day. I'm slowly getting more flexible and in shape. I have started to notice my little "pooch" is getting smaller and my booty is getting a little bigger. I need to work on my arms more though, so I'm gonna start doing some inverted yoga soon.I love doing handstands and headstands! I'm not good enough to do it away from a wall yet, but I will one day!
I'm off to do some crocheting, some eating and who knows what else.
Ally
Wrong. It is a two shot vaccination and my second shot went haywire. The student nurses that were administering the vaccination, grabbed the wrong shot. Instead of getting the TB shot, I was given a phlemonia vaccine. One of the side effects is that your arm swells, and you get tight joints and muscles. After going back to the doctor, thinking my test was positive, they told me about the mix up. I had to wait a week to get my second TB shot and in that week, my arm had swelled twice it's size, went from my wrist to elbow and I could barely move my arm at all. It was painful!
I finally got my second shot and I have still waiting to hear from my employer when they want me to start. It's weird because in the interview, my employer made it seem that they needed someone ASAP. Oh well, it pays well and it's across the street from school so I'm not letting this go. I'm just so anxious about starting!
THEN, I had another mix-up at school. In order to release my financial aid, they needed an official copy of a letter from my old university saying that my loan was in default. I am very grateful for the efficiency of Loyola's staff because they sent me the letter a few days later and got the entire thing worked out.
On a brighter note, I got my first client for my crochet business. A friend of mine is having a baby shower in September and she's asked me to help decorate her diaper cake. I'm making her amigurumi cupcakes and a newborn outfit and matching beanie for mommy. I'm having a lot of fun doing this, and although it's not a lot of money, it's my first client! I hope things continue to look up for my business and I slowly get more and more clients.
I started doing yoga at home a few months ago. And I'm hooked! I love doing it right in the morning when I wake up. My roommates are all sleeping and the only place in my crowded apartment that has space for my mat is the kitchen. I usually get my yoga done and a shower in before anyone wakes up and I'm alert and positive for the rest of the day. I'm slowly getting more flexible and in shape. I have started to notice my little "pooch" is getting smaller and my booty is getting a little bigger. I need to work on my arms more though, so I'm gonna start doing some inverted yoga soon.I love doing handstands and headstands! I'm not good enough to do it away from a wall yet, but I will one day!
I'm off to do some crocheting, some eating and who knows what else.
Ally
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
My background.
To begin, I'd first like to tell you a little about me, so that you can understand and possibly relate to my shortcomings and weaknesses due to my battle with anxiety, depression, PTSD and IBS.
The longer I reflect on my life and the more I learn about anxiety disorders I start to believe I've always had anxiety problems, however me being uneducated on the subject, I simply passed it as bad days, and weird rituals that I just figured out in time.
My first full-blown anxiety attack was at the end of my junior year in college, my boyfriend at the time basically lived with me and I was planning on staying in Chicago that summer but when my internship couldn't hire me, I realized I wouldn't be able to afford to stay in Chicago, and I had a full-time paying job waiting for me at home. The morning of my flight, I got very uncomfortable. My stomach was upset, I was sweating (in 40 degree weather, mind you), I was just overall scared. And I didn't know why. i had been flying across the country for years but this one was different. But as soon as I was checked in and said my goodbyes, I was fine. It was the strangest feeling.
Summer came along and this anxiety was gone. I didn't have a care or worry in the world. I had great friends, a job and a new summer romance. It wasn't until a few weeks before school that I began having anxiety attacks again. And I tried to ignore it. I began smoking weed to ease my worries and calm my stomach and it helped at first. Once school got serious, I was finding myself waking up nauseated, in cold sweats and completely disheveled. I figured it was nerves because I was close to graduation, I had been taking the max amount of credits every semester and I pushed myself to one of the hardest accounting classes in the business school. Then I went to part II for the next semester.
Summer came once again, all my friends and roommates were graduating and I had an extra semester before I could graduate. This time when I went home, I knew I needed to see a dr. I began with therapy and a few weeks before leaving again I started on medication.
Moving back to Chicago was a nightmare. I had rude and mean roommates who would have screaming fights with me AND my mom because they didn't like the fact we smoked weed although they had initially said it was fine.
This living situation was hell. I hated it here and then I got very depressed. One roommate told me "stop smoking and just take your meds more. I rather you die than smell weed all the time" that hurt me more than anything. That night I ODed on my medication and was sent to the psych ward for a week. This week I was gone, not one of my roommates even noticed I wasn't around. When confronted about it, they replied "not our problem". I had never felt so hurt in my life. So with my moms blessing and a talk with the building manager, I moved into a studio with my mom who had decided to live with me for the semester to take care of me.
I went to dr after dr, and I was switching meds every month or two. It was torture. I fell so far behind in my classes that I took a medical leave and moved home.
Since moving home, I have gotten better. Though, moving home wasn't easy. I lost my support system and once everyone found out of my problems I've been shunned. Being alone gives me a lot of time to think and I think that I have the right medication now and I have been trying to live a semi-healthy lifestyle to rebuild my inner and outer confidence.
To distract myself from these anxious thoughts, I blog, or journal, or do some yoga, or crochet. It doesn't always work, and I was actually in the ER a few weeks ago for an intense anxiety attack I couldn't control.
One day, I know I will be that confident 'just wait and see me prove you wrong' young woman I know I am inside.
It's an everlasting battle between my head and my heart. Anxiety is no joke or make-believe disorder. It can ruin your life IG you allow it to. I've been jobless for two years and I'm finally going back to work and then there's school. One semester at KCC and I'm graduating with my AA in Liberal Arts.
Don't let anxiety rule your life. Rule your anxiety. Find calming projects and distractions to keep the thoughts from appearing and always remember that in time, it shall pass.
I would love to hear some other personal accounts of their battle with anxiety, depression, PTSD and ibs and everything in between.
The only way I believe we can all get better is by accepting our problems instead of fighting them. Sharing stories with people who understand what you're going through and build a support system amongst other bloggers
If you have a blog that deals with any of these disorders, please add my blog and comment below!
Peace love and serenity to you all.
The longer I reflect on my life and the more I learn about anxiety disorders I start to believe I've always had anxiety problems, however me being uneducated on the subject, I simply passed it as bad days, and weird rituals that I just figured out in time.
My first full-blown anxiety attack was at the end of my junior year in college, my boyfriend at the time basically lived with me and I was planning on staying in Chicago that summer but when my internship couldn't hire me, I realized I wouldn't be able to afford to stay in Chicago, and I had a full-time paying job waiting for me at home. The morning of my flight, I got very uncomfortable. My stomach was upset, I was sweating (in 40 degree weather, mind you), I was just overall scared. And I didn't know why. i had been flying across the country for years but this one was different. But as soon as I was checked in and said my goodbyes, I was fine. It was the strangest feeling.
Summer came along and this anxiety was gone. I didn't have a care or worry in the world. I had great friends, a job and a new summer romance. It wasn't until a few weeks before school that I began having anxiety attacks again. And I tried to ignore it. I began smoking weed to ease my worries and calm my stomach and it helped at first. Once school got serious, I was finding myself waking up nauseated, in cold sweats and completely disheveled. I figured it was nerves because I was close to graduation, I had been taking the max amount of credits every semester and I pushed myself to one of the hardest accounting classes in the business school. Then I went to part II for the next semester.
Summer came once again, all my friends and roommates were graduating and I had an extra semester before I could graduate. This time when I went home, I knew I needed to see a dr. I began with therapy and a few weeks before leaving again I started on medication.
Moving back to Chicago was a nightmare. I had rude and mean roommates who would have screaming fights with me AND my mom because they didn't like the fact we smoked weed although they had initially said it was fine.
This living situation was hell. I hated it here and then I got very depressed. One roommate told me "stop smoking and just take your meds more. I rather you die than smell weed all the time" that hurt me more than anything. That night I ODed on my medication and was sent to the psych ward for a week. This week I was gone, not one of my roommates even noticed I wasn't around. When confronted about it, they replied "not our problem". I had never felt so hurt in my life. So with my moms blessing and a talk with the building manager, I moved into a studio with my mom who had decided to live with me for the semester to take care of me.
I went to dr after dr, and I was switching meds every month or two. It was torture. I fell so far behind in my classes that I took a medical leave and moved home.
Since moving home, I have gotten better. Though, moving home wasn't easy. I lost my support system and once everyone found out of my problems I've been shunned. Being alone gives me a lot of time to think and I think that I have the right medication now and I have been trying to live a semi-healthy lifestyle to rebuild my inner and outer confidence.
To distract myself from these anxious thoughts, I blog, or journal, or do some yoga, or crochet. It doesn't always work, and I was actually in the ER a few weeks ago for an intense anxiety attack I couldn't control.
One day, I know I will be that confident 'just wait and see me prove you wrong' young woman I know I am inside.
It's an everlasting battle between my head and my heart. Anxiety is no joke or make-believe disorder. It can ruin your life IG you allow it to. I've been jobless for two years and I'm finally going back to work and then there's school. One semester at KCC and I'm graduating with my AA in Liberal Arts.
Don't let anxiety rule your life. Rule your anxiety. Find calming projects and distractions to keep the thoughts from appearing and always remember that in time, it shall pass.
I would love to hear some other personal accounts of their battle with anxiety, depression, PTSD and ibs and everything in between.
The only way I believe we can all get better is by accepting our problems instead of fighting them. Sharing stories with people who understand what you're going through and build a support system amongst other bloggers
If you have a blog that deals with any of these disorders, please add my blog and comment below!
Peace love and serenity to you all.
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