My background.

To begin, I'd first like to tell you a little about me, so that you can understand and possibly relate to my shortcomings and weaknesses due to my battle with anxiety, depression, PTSD and IBS.

The longer I reflect on my life and the more I learn about anxiety disorders I start to believe I've always had anxiety problems, however me being uneducated on the subject, I simply passed it as bad days, and weird rituals that I just figured out in time.

My first full-blown anxiety attack was at the end of my junior year in college, my boyfriend at the time basically lived with me and I was planning on staying in Chicago that summer but when my internship couldn't hire me, I realized I wouldn't be able to afford to stay in Chicago, and I had a full-time paying job waiting for me at home. The morning of my flight, I got very uncomfortable. My stomach was upset, I was sweating (in 40 degree weather, mind you), I was just overall scared. And I didn't know why. i had been flying across the country for years but this one was different. But as soon as I was checked in and said my goodbyes, I was fine. It was the strangest feeling.

Summer came along and this anxiety was gone. I didn't have a care or worry in the world. I had great friends, a job and a new summer romance. It wasn't until a few weeks before school that I began having anxiety attacks again. And I tried to ignore it. I began smoking weed to ease my worries and calm my stomach and it helped at first. Once school got serious, I was finding myself waking up nauseated, in cold sweats and completely disheveled. I figured it was nerves because I was close to graduation, I had been taking the max amount of credits every semester and I pushed myself to one of the hardest accounting classes in the business school. Then I went to part II for the next semester.

Summer came once again, all my friends and roommates were graduating and I had an extra semester before I could graduate. This time when I went home, I knew I needed to see a dr. I began with therapy and a few weeks before leaving again I started on medication.

Moving back to Chicago was a nightmare. I had rude and mean roommates who would have screaming fights with me AND my mom because they didn't like the fact we smoked weed although they had initially said it was fine.

This living situation was hell. I hated it here and then I got very depressed. One roommate told me "stop smoking and just take your meds more. I rather you die than smell weed all the time" that hurt me more than anything. That night I ODed on my medication and was sent to the psych ward for a week. This week I was gone, not one of my roommates even noticed I wasn't around. When confronted about it, they replied "not our problem". I had never felt so hurt in my life. So with my moms blessing and a talk with the building manager, I moved into a studio with my mom who had decided to live with me for the semester to take care of me.

I went to dr after dr, and I was switching meds every month or two. It was torture. I fell so far behind in my classes that I took a medical leave and moved home.

Since moving home, I have gotten better. Though, moving home wasn't easy. I lost my support system and once everyone found out of my problems I've been shunned. Being alone gives me a lot of time to think and I think that I have the right medication now and I have been trying to live a semi-healthy lifestyle to rebuild my inner and outer confidence.

To distract myself from these anxious thoughts, I blog, or journal, or do some yoga, or crochet. It doesn't always work, and I was actually in the ER a few weeks ago for an intense anxiety attack I couldn't control.


One day, I know I will be that confident 'just wait and see me prove you wrong' young woman I know I am inside.

It's an everlasting battle between my head and my heart. Anxiety is no joke or make-believe disorder. It can ruin your life IG you allow it to. I've been jobless for two years and I'm finally going back to work and then there's school. One semester at KCC and I'm graduating with my AA in Liberal Arts.

Don't let anxiety rule your life. Rule your anxiety. Find calming projects and distractions to keep the thoughts from appearing and always remember that in time, it shall pass.

I would love to hear some other personal accounts of their battle with anxiety, depression, PTSD and ibs and everything in between.

The only way I believe we can all get better is by accepting our problems instead of fighting them. Sharing stories with people who understand what you're going through and build a support system amongst other bloggers

If you have a blog that deals with any of these disorders, please add my blog and comment below!

Peace love and serenity to you all.